she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize