dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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