oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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