I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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