YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
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i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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