I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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