At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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