I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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