his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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