thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize