i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Never let your siblings swipe right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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