the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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