Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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