I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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