There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
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i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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