Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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