I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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