dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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