Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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