all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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