if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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