Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize