I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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