So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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