the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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