i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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