I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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