Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize