I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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