there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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