I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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