I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize