I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize