My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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