im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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