Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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