I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
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I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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