I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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