You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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