we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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