If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
jump out the window naked night went bad
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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