last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
MIDGETS
????
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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