I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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