So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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