who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
