Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize