i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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