Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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