Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize