he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm really busy with my period
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